


The Horny Dungbeetle

by Kuroitora_chan



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, D&D, Drugged Sex, Dungeons & Dragons References, M/M, Porn With Plot, Smut, Some Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:01:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24136276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuroitora_chan/pseuds/Kuroitora_chan
Summary: The Beta Party goes up against an Enemy they were not expecting to find and Dave gets injured.Close nearby, a grumpy tavern owner and his friends help them.Except the help involves a Hallucinogenic Potion.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 12
Kudos: 118





	1. Chapter 1

Wherehill was, for the joy of a grand part of its inhabitants, a small town.

For Karkat, however, the local Inn and Tavern keeper, it was just a constant hassle since it meant nothing more than seeing the same assholes every day, never getting good tips, an incessant amount of scrub-work and never getting to know any new good stories.

Somehow, this also meant that every short-sighted inbred of the place thought he was their confidant. Specially when they got drunk, fetid and delusional. And so, he was everyone's go-to when they had a problem they couldn't solve.

Which happened to happen with a frequency so high that every person in town knew him by name and every new visitor soon became acquainted with him, rendering his grumpy face, short stature and nubby horns a local attraction with the most obnoxious nickname ever: the drunkard's Knight.

Beyond the superficial level of mockery that the nickname gathered, it also meant people would turn to Karkat with stupid problems of the magical variety very often, making him the infortunate main character or several escapades that only someone high on Fairydust could come up with.

That, or, a very, very, very drunk person.

He didn't mind the perils of such escapades, or the stories that people told about him. When he built the place, a couple sweeps ago, and decided to stupidly name it "The Horny Dungbeetle" over a bet that won him a couple magic items and a fuck load of money, he thought that 'hey, taverns are never empty, so at least I won't have to be alone anymore'.

Instead, he was always alone.

The thing that every adventurer that ever passed by had, but he didn't, was a party.

Which is why when multiple people dressed with armors and swords came about, his first instinct was to smile.

Maybe they had a bard with a sense of humor and maybe, hopefully, he wouldn't want a free pass to his pants - don't ask him. He will bite you, and he has shark like teeth. So just refrain from asking.

His second instinct, however, was to run.

The party was comprised of 3 very alive, very desperate faces and one very injured, almost unconscious man.

And then there was Kanaya, his friend and employee, gesturing them inside.

"Kanaya, what in the name of the LORD is fucking happening? Is he dead? IS HE DYING?"

A woman, tall, blond and dressed in hues of yellow and orange talks back in cold, strict and urgent tones.

"Yes. He is. Where is the closest medical center?"

"This is a city with barely 100 people. I know every fucker around by name and track record. You think a place like this would have a medical center? Be happy we have a fucking apothecary! More important, what in the 9 hells DID that hole on him?! Is it coming this way?" 

He doesn't know if to feel dread or excitement with the possibility of something interesting happening around. But all three people look at him with anger in their faces.

"It's dead" they say, creepily, at the same time.

Karkat feels a twinge of disappointment and a whole lot of relief.

Another woman, dressed in black, with long wild hair and glasses that magnify her emeraldine irises speaks, then.

"Dave is dying and all you can think about is what did it? We have to save him!"

At that, Karkat realized with horror that he's been postponing treatment of a dying man.

"Kanaya, go get some water and rags for that wound. You know what to do. You three, take him to the back and put him on the chopping table. Funnily, is the cleanest place of the kitchen. I'm going to get Feferi. She will probably have whatever he needs."

The last member of the party is dressed in sky blues with a light leather armor and a hammer with a head the size of his forearm. He moves his hands a bit, flicking his wrists and making a wind suspend the dying man in the air.

And then Karkat gets a better look at him.

He looks like a paladin.

Heavy plated armor covering everything. Torso, thighs, shoulders, knees, calves, foot, gauntlets. And a red undershirt. This guy was the real deal.

Soon enough Karkat and Fefery are hoisting half the apothecary with them back to The Horny Dungbeetle. Before he can even ask where to put the stuff, Fefery changes places with the Orange woman in holding the rags and starts to ask questions about the battle.

"What were all of you fighting? This cut has obvious necrotic damage to it."

With a crooked face the cerulian guy answers her "He took a necrotic shot from a Beholder eye. The fucking thing tricked us and Dave was the only one who noticed in time to deflect it. But he couldn't move and get out of the way or all of us would be dancing with the dead right now."

"Got it. Karkat, I need solution number 13, a medium life potion and the green hallucinogenic elixir."

"What? No. Why would you give him an hallucinogenic?"

"Take his glasses off," Feferi asks the Orange woman "can you see how his eyes are shaking? It's fear. A side effect of taking a Beholder shot is that the victims who survive are thrown into a primal state of fear. If I heal him and don't heal his fear, it could develop into paranoia and that would make him a dangerous person to be around."

"Dave would never harm us."

"Oh. So it's okay if he does it to other people? He's built like a fucking castle wall, bricks be damned. If he so much as gets angry a slap to your face will cave your cheek and, if you're lucky, crook all your teeth. And you're okay with letting a guy like that waltz around with a sword and a perma case of the crazies? Are you INSANE?"

"Rose, I think he has a point." Said the woman dressed in black. She took her pointy hat of, shook her mane of hair and from the tip top, two cute lycanthrope ears popped.

At first, Karkat and Kanaya thought she was a Warlock, but now they are both more inclined to consider her a Druid.

"I agree with Jade. Specially being someone who actually fought Dave and lost. I didn't lose teeth, but I swear I heard my jaw unhinge." Said the hammer wielding man, distractedly caressing his own jaw.

Everyone in the room sucked a breath through gritted teeth. A collective 'ssssssh' that echoed in the room with empathy and understanding.

"What happened after that?"

"Nothing as far as I know. You think I was still conscious after a punch like that?" He answered, laughing in earnest "What I do know is that I never got to where I was going. Dave keeps saying I was getting drawn inside the woods by a nymph but I don't remember anything about that."

"Oh John, you are so silly."

John just shrugs at Rose's commentary.

That is weird, Karkat thinks, remembering his fair share of nymph encounters. They are beautiful and deadly. If they draw a man in, it's never because they want him. Usually just something they stole. And if they'd want a person, that person would have to be extraordinarily beautiful. Something to add to a Nymphs garden even after death.

John is not bad looking, but he's also not an extraordinary kind of beauty. And even if he was, every skull looks the same after decomposing. So it wasn't about him.

Which means it was about Dave. Or something he had. Dave... Is, extraordinarily beautiful, but definitely not for a nymph who's seen it all. Maybe something he has. Maybe his armor. It does look suspiciously bright and unscathed after a Behold encounter.

It would make sense for a nymph to want it if it was blessed by a God.

But then why seduce John instead of Dave?

Unless... Unless Dave is not attracted to girls. So she seduced John, who drew Dave in. She would've killed them both, let them rot and display the armor.

Now, that would be a story.

"The wound is all done. Now you guys have to decide to let me administrate the hallucinogenic or not." Feferi says.

"Is it addicting?" Jade asks.

"Hell, no. The hallucinations are too real to actually feel good. There's always a catch somewhere. I don't know who created this shit but the fucker definitely didn't want people coming back to his shop just looking for a high. But I garantee it does the job it's supposed to."

"How does it work, though? If it's hallucinations... I mean, they could be good or they could be bad."

"That's what Karkat is for" Feferi replies.

"WHAT? I NEVER AGREED TO THAT!"

"Karkat is our local downsized adventurer," she continues, ignoring his trademarked ornery temper.

"Is that a jab on my height? I'm average sized, you bunch of weird tall freaks!"

"I'm just escalating you to tell uuuh... Dave," she asks the adventurers, uncertain, getting a nod in reply "a couple nice stories of your adventures around. Try to make him interact with you, steer his hallucinations towards a good side."

"That makes no sense, Feferi. I have a fucking tavern to run! Even empty there's shit to do! I have deliveries to receive! I have to clean the rooms! There's a bunch of assholes on the top floor that I have to charge for the night."

"I can do all that" Kanaya offers.

"Even charging the assholes upstairs?"

Kanaya pulls a magic lipstick out or her pouch. Soon, it grows into a phantasmagoric chainsaw, and then she adds "I think I can make a compelling argument if I deem it necessary rather well on my own, thank you."

Rose looks at 'the argument' with an approving gaze and then turns to Karkat.

"And since you seem so keen on not wanting to help we can try to steer Dave's hallucinations ourselves" Rose points.

"Ablubsolutely not. You three need to go back to the forest and gather this list of herbs for me," at that, Feferi pulled a sheet of paper with the herbs listed, extended it to Jade and kept talking "I didn't charge for my services when I got in, but the herbs that make these potions don't grow on my private garden. And I need to stock these kinds of potions for emergencies like this one. The poor blub that goes through that door in need of one of these is as good as cull bait. So I need you guys to help me restock."

They look at the list and John points "Hey, Jade, can't you just use your trick and grow these things?"

"I have never seen these plants before. I don't know what they look like."

"There's a description by the side of the name, and also the place where they grow. Courtesy of our Tavern Keeper" Feferi adds.

"Maybe he should come with us, then" Rose suggests.

"But then Dave would be unguarded" John points.

"And we are trusting a stranger with his well being? How is that wiser?"

"To be fair, if I do fuck up, you know where I live" Karkat says, gesturing around to point that he lives where he works, and then shrugging.

At least he can never be late for work. Instead, he gets to pointedly tell customers to fuck off - which is much more fun.

"Come on, Rose. Dave is going to be fine. And I am feeling kinda bad for consuming without paying" Jade says in earnest, dragging Rose by the sleeve of her robes. John follows right behind.

As soon as they are out the door, Karkat turns to Dave - the unconscious paladin - and puts on a mocking grimace.

"Fine. Let's get this over with."

Kanaya and Karkat hear the back door and Kanaya puts her magic weapon away, batting her skirts and nodding to Karkat before leaving.

"I'm glubbing back to the apothecary. Just tell them to meet me there when they get back."

"Thanks for coming by the way. I know it was rushed, but I was lost as fuck and he'd more than likely be dead if I hadn't dragged your tail here."

"I'll take an ale and a fayson for my efforts" she asks cheekyly.

"I don't think I'm going to be able to make any for a while" Karkat points to Dave "unless you want human flesh and ale. Though he looks like something you'd get sick if you ate. He even smells rotten."

"It's bound to get better, though! I did clean the wound. Bye Karkat!"

He sees her hoist the the rest of the unused potions and go out the door before closing it behind her. Then, he grabs the green hallucinogenic and reads the label aloud, to make sure he's not misinterpreting anything.

"Contains... A bunch of plants in elvish that I don't give a shit, water, cause that's basic... Where are the- FOUND IT! This potions lasts for 72 hours and it's for a single use. For its intended effect, drink all at once."

At that, Karkat gets acutely distressed. 3 days hallucinating is a very long time. This guy is going to have to piss, shower and eat while in the fantasy world he's going to create on his own head.

Now, however, the verdict has been given and this man has to drink the medicine, and he has to take care of him.

As Karkat brings Dave slightly more into awareness to give him the potion, he thinks he should probably have argued his case better.

This is bound to become another one of his adventures. He can already see in his mind's eye how everything is going to shit at a slow, but very steady pace.


	2. Chapter 2

Dave doesn't know who is talking to him. He is afraid to open his eyes. Afraid of the pain that the light might cause him, but whoever it might be, they sound friendly enough.

Half awake, half in slumber, he opens his mouth.

Karkat doesn't waste a second and dumps the whole potion down Dave's throat. He's so done with dealing with this paladin's half dead limp sack of shit. And the sooner the potion starts taking effect, the sooner he can move on with his life.

Dave coughs, wondering what the hell decided to make him deepthroat a vile with the grossest concoction he ever drank in his life. He spits the the thing across the kitchen, bending himself with the effort, and hearing it break, only to feel a sharp tug on his side and go right back to laying down, whining in pain.

"Oh! You're awake!" Karkat states, sassy and pleased with himself.

Dave whines, annoyed with the question.

"Great! Than this will be less excruciatingly painful for me. I'm not so sure about yourself, though,” he wonders aloud “I'm going to help you take your armor off."

"Heh. Dude, we barely know each other and you already want to strip me? Buy me dinner first, man."

Karkat blushes a red so crimson that the tomatoes in the room go jelous "THAT'S NOT- IT'S NOT THAT AT ALL, OKAY?! YOU'RE HEAVY AND I CAN'T LIFT YOU WITH ALL THIS! THAT'S ALL!"

Dave is amused that his quip hit right home. Karkat, on the other hand, wants to stick his head in the oven and see if he can light it on with the burning fire of his face. Dave can't possibly know he was staring him. His eyes were closed all the time - he reminds himself.

Karkat recomposes after a couple deep breaths and helps Dave sit up, but entertains several times the idea of letting him fall or flail, just to clean the presumptuous smirk off of the human's stupidly round, soft-looking face.

The man might be more annoying than a stray child looking for their absent alcoholic mother, but Karkat had eyes - even if more often than not he'd voice his wish to see himself rid of them.

Dave helps by granting Karkat access to his flys, which the troll expertly untangles. He can't keep his eyes away of the way the gray, slim fingers work those things open, which is to say, faster than he could unfasten the belt holding his own pants.

And thankfully so, because he starts to feel his consciousness slipping away, like water through his fingers.

Karkat takes his chest and back plates off, moving to undo his thighs, when he feels a hot breath and a pressure on his shoulder. It spreads from his neck to his chest like a splay of molten heat, prickling his neck hair and making him painfully aware that the bumbling fuck doesn’t have any personal-space awareness. 

Soon enough he starts rethinking several of his life decisions.

Dave starts to dream that the person he's laying against is John, like so many times in so many battles where he'd pick him up and drag him somewhere safer. Something recurrent, safe.

Relaxation envelops him, a cozy hand stroking his back, calmingly, and even if he can feel them shifting back to his thighs, he doesn't mind. He trusts John. With his life, even.

Dave spreads his legs, giving John the access he apparently wants, and feels himself growing lighter, as if several weights have been removed from him.

And that is because they have. 

Karkat piles Dave's armor on top of the table trying to simultaneously focus on the task at hand and ignore how his bulge got, suddenly, very interested on the fact that this handsome, hot, very seductive and towering stranger decided to spread himself open wide right in front of him.

He can't indulge in these fantasies - he berates himself. The man couldn't even consent. He is drugged out of his mind and currently, having delusions about someone else that he'd obviously trust enough to spread himself like he did.

Karkat pulls Dave’s gauntlets from his hands and asks “Can you keep yourself sitting for a bit?”

Dave manages, and a couple seconds later, Karkat lifts him in a piggyback-ride that he couldn’t have miscalculated worse. Both his knees buckle under the weight he was supposed to be able to lift, and yet again, he thinks about how many bad decisions one person can make in a span of less than 24 hours.

Karkat breathes in deep, and from the ground where his knee is placed, he rises, red-faced and cursing all the Gods he can remember from the top of his head.

In his delusions, Dave hugs John’s neck with a loose grip, folding forwards and letting his best friend suspend him. He doesn’t fail to notice how the other is gripping his thighs with open hands, fingers digging into the soft meat there and searing it with a comforting warmth. It’s strange, unusual, seeing as John tends to suspend him with balled fists. 

Not that he is complaining. Even if he probably should be.

What should he be complaining about, though? Oh yeah. “John, where are we?” he mumbles.

Karkat startled at the question, going rigid. Dave shouldn’t start seeing things so soon. The average response time to this potion is usually more than just 5 minutes - or, at least, it’s what the instructions say. Should he say something? This guy thinks he’s his friend.

Feferi did say that he was should tell stories to this guy, so maybe he was supposed to speak anyway. And if it was a friendly face telling him a story, maybe he would be more receptive to them. But what if he realizes that he’s drugged and gets dangerous instead?

Karkat decides on a compromise “Somewhere safe.”

It’s an answer that doesn't give that much information, but Karkat hopes it’ll be enough for now.

Dave nods. Safe. Safe is nice. Dangerous is fun, but safe is nice, and he’d rather have a little bit more of nice right now. John is nice. And safe. And here, with him, alive.

A flash of a rather displeasing memory comes.

Rose, John and Jade are walking in a crypt, lazy steps that echo in the irregular, damp stone-carved walls. His sword and shield feel heavy in his hands and everything looks darkened by his shades, and even then, he feels it.

A presence, so crushing, so terrific that, even if it had looked human, Dave would still have greeted it with his sword and shield first. He sees the beast. A being come straight out of a nightmare. A single red eye with no sclera, no iris, no pupils. A floating skullhead of hell.

His body winds up.

And Karkat feels it. He places Dave on the bed and hunches to touch his face. “Hey” he says, trying to bring him back to the present “Hey, look around you” he calls.

Dave opens his eyes, wincing at the clarity, but still too tired to bother asking for his shades back. He can look for them when he wakes up. John said they are in a safe place, so wherever they are, his shades are probably okay.

Not in a crypt - he thinks, and Karkat feels his body relax.

The place looks like a beat down bedroom. Wooden floors, hard bed and a rectangular chest right at the end of the structure. A worn out wardrobe at the opposite wall of where he sits and a single set of windows.

Looks like the kind of place Jade would like. 

Jade. 

“John where is-” but before he could finish his question, he turns to Karkat, and instead of seeing John again, like he had been doing so far, he sees Jade instead. “Oh. There you are. Jade… are you and John taking turns to look after me like i’m some kind of toddler? Or… Better yet, like i’m a relic! My ass would totally be worth of a relic.”

Karkat looks at Dave with incredulity that soon enough melts into resigned acceptance. He is, matter of fact, delusional.

“You do realize that relics are almost untouchable and are usually guarded by extraplanar entities that serve higher, purer Gods, right?”

“There ain’t no ass as pure as mine. My mind, on the other hand, could use a good scrub,” he admits with a shrug “honestly, I don’t know how I got Corellon to accept my ass as his paladin. I’m not pure at all or an elf!”

“Maybe you’re just enough of a chaotic dumbfuck that he took a liking to you” Karkat answered, a little bitter, a little in awe with the revelation of Dave’s Patron God.

“Or maybe he just wants to fuck me after I’m dead. I’m not androgynous enough to come even close to an elf, but I doubt he is giving a shit.”

“Elfs like other shit beyond androgynous people. They appreciate nature, change and pretty things. And magic. Fuckers have a kink for it.”

Dave snorts “Maybe that’s why he accepted my oath in the first place. You’re one of the few in this plane of existence that can attest how magical my fingers are.”

Karkat blushes a deep red. Are Dave and Jade dating?

And is he going to be subjected to listening to whatever sordid details this gutter-minded half-assed paladin tells him? How is one even able to keep in character when his own dwindling sanity is at stake?

The story John told when they all arived comes to mind.

If Dave was attracted to females, how could the nymph not have called to him? Unless he resisted the call?

Dave is seeing Karkat as one of his friends who was there when it all happened. Remembering a successful mission might have the same effect as Karkat telling him one of his own, so he decides to give it a try.

He starts by giving an awkward, delayed laugh at his joke and then taking a seat by his side on the bed. Dave thinks a clear - what the fuck was that reaction? - but doesn’t say anything. Karkat cringes at his own stupidity and Dave’s reaction, but goes on to ask his questions undeterred.

“And with these same fingers you saved John from being nymph furniture!”

Karkat suspects he could have phrased that better.

“Wow. Holy shit. I feel like that was forever ago. I,” he wonders a bit, holding a fist in his other hand “I still feel kinda shitty about that.”

“If he’s doing jokes about it I doubt he still gives a shit.”

Dave gives a fond half-smile and, even if he would deny with all the power of his accumulated years of acerbic expletives, Karkat’s heart melts a little. 

“But that  _ was _ forever ago, right? I mean, I still thought I was straight by then. Rose was trying to debunk my straightness for years - and I like to think I was fooling her - but that was… well… a slap to my face... I think” Dave says.

Huh. That information was easier to extract than Karkat initially thought it would be.

“How did that all go down?”

Dave looks at Jade with an inquisitive face “You were there, why are you asking?”

Karkat feels like a deer caught in headlights. He needs to come up with a convincing lie, or Daves illusion could break.

“Because I only know my side of the story…”

He hates himself so much. That was the poorest thought-out lie ever spewed out of his mouth and, any time now, this guy is going to realize this is all a potion-induced ruse and maim him, limb from limb. He wants to start looking for possible ways out of the room, but that would make him look even more suspicious, getting him to refrain looking anywhere that not at Dave’s face.

Dave looks dead into Karkat’s eyes, who freezes so still, his blood runs cold on his veins. The troll can feel himself starting to whiten on the face.

“I guess that makes sense” Dave answers, looking away.

Karkat’s eyes almost crook with the relief that washes over.

“Okay, so, Imma skip the parts we both know, cause we both know we were sleeping in the woods to avoid orc camps of the main road, we both know Rose got wasted and didn’t manage to conjure a protection spell and we both know John was feeling down cause the previous mission he just served as a transportational method all the way through, so we let him choose where we should camp even though you are the expert at that. You were feeling so bad I felt bad with you. I don’t think Rose know what was going on until after everything was set and done. She was singing! I mean, who the fuck sings ‘toss a coin to your witcher’ in the middle of a thick fae forest in the dead of night? That was, hands down,  _ hilarious. _ ”

Holy fuck, he won’t even breath to speak - Karkat realizes with abject horror.

“And dangerous, but I had to see it through, you know what I mean? Bla bla bla, you were there, camp set, we slept.

Then, something fucked up happened. I felt the leafs ruffle under me, and a couple twigs that started to poke my behind in a not-comfy ways - so I take them from underneath and notice John wasn’t there in the first place. For a hot sec I thought ‘nothing new, bro. He just needs to take a leak. Back to dreamy-land I go.’ and then I notice that I can’t hear the sound of piss.

That I find weird. John never goes too far. None of us do, you know that. He couldn’t have gone to but-fuck-nowhere because he wanted to piss. Like, not looking at each others dicks is part of the adventurer’s bro code, he couldn’t be worried about any of us coming up to him from less than at least a tree-worth distance. So I rise and go find him.

The rest is just kinda stupid. The forest was dark, but with a torch I found traces of where he had gone through and I just followed. Nothing in the forest could scare me for realz, you know? Big bad, corellon paladin coming through, sword the size of my cock, shield the size-”

“Of your narcissism…”

“I was going to say my fandom, but I guess that too.”

“Okay, so, you were pissing your pants in the forest,” Karkat started, recounting the facts and numbering them on his fingers.

“That’s not-”

“Followed John’s trail because he had let it pretty obviously there for you,”

“I mean, not obvious…”

“And you found him, charmed and stupid. Then what?”

“Then he started being a dickhead. I told him he was charmed but he wouldn’t listen to me. And to top it off he started to pull me with him. He started singing a song aloud, and I knew it would be our end if we got there. Whatever was charming him couldn’t be good shit. So I started to pull him the other way around, but he was fighting me on it. Literally. Well, more like flailing. So I clocked him to focus on the way back.”

“So you never got to listen to the nymph’s call?”

Dave shakes his head.

“John tried to sing it to me, but he’s got terrible breathing control for singing. Sounded like a set of bagpipes that someone decided they hated so much, they placed it under the foot of a tyrannosaurus in the hopes of seeing it get crushed into tiny pieces but, instead, got their ears bled to death. We’re lucky John didn’t decide to become a bard.”

This time, Karkat actually laughs. He absolutely can imagine the dorky, black haired boy from down stairs doing something so stupid and entertaining.

“Okay. You’ve definitely had more than enough attention for today. Go back to sleep. You’re looking like the waste of the ass of the legendary Tarrasque. I’m going to cook something for later.”

Dave laughs at the creative cursing “When did you learn how to tell shit to people like a sailor? And can you teach me? About the food, just ask the tavern keeper. Whomever is in charge is going to have something prepared when the time comes, and I doubt they’ll not charge if we cook it ourselves, so just stop thinking about the money for a hot sec, okay? We can just kill whatevs they consider a problem around and call our debts off.”

Karkat gets to the door and doesn’t look back to Dave.

“Right. Because I’m not the tavern keeper.”

“I mean… can you imagine how boring it would be to be stuck in a place for too long? I was stuck on a temple for 3 years and I know I never want to be stuck in a single place again. Fuck being stuck. I want to go as far as I can. We aren’t staying in this boring place for too long, are we?”

“Three days at least, because of… ahm… circumstances that i can’t really explain.”

“Oh. Your god of nature giving you a secret mission, huh? Must be fun. Having your god actually talk to you. I haven’t heard from corellon since I became a paladin. Not that he was interesting or anything…”

“Yeah. I gotta…” Karkat implied, pointing out the door.

“Right. Right. See you later.”

Karkat closed the door and thought about how these people were, somehow, literally amongst the blessed. He felt a twinge of jealousy about even having a god to serve. The closest thing trolls had of a deity of their own was Her Imperious Condescension, Goddess of Conquest, Order and Riches. Either that or The Signless. God of Rebelliousness and Selflessness.

Neither of them really stuck with him. And no God of any other race really liked to endorse trolls. Not even the evil Gods.

And further and further Karkats thought went, as he cut onions and teared red drops. Wide open eyes staring nothing and thinking of how to escape the prison he made for himself.


	3. Chapter 3

Dave wakes up in the middle of a dense forest. The tree canopies go high and weave themselves in each other, creating a great mass of green for any bird that might fly above the sea of leaves.

On the ground, the dark dirt soiled his feet, and a cutting wind would blow on his unprotected body, making him shiver. He saw himself alone with none of his friends there beside him, and he didn’t know where they all had gone off to.

All Dave knew is that he was alone, lost, armorless and lonely. Without Jade to talk to any animal that might guide them. Without John, to fly above the trees and tell them how far they were from wherever they had to go. Without Rose, to plainout tell him to maintain his composure and stop bitching.

How did he end up this fucked? Nothing in his memories will tell him. But even then, he still needs to survive the weather and find his friends. What if they were in an even worse situation than his?

A sense of urgency strikes him and he doesn’t even allow his head to run off with the possibilities.

He needs to find them.

Dave jumps and holds on to a thick branch, swinging down with the force of his weight to snap it off of the trunk. After that is done, he breaks a bark from another tree and ventures into the forest with his new improvised sword and shield.

After being spooked by some forest animals like deers and nakodiles, Dave grows a new set of balls and decides to power walk the rest of the scenario. He goes on ignoring his surroundings and dives so far into the forest, he exits it, without realizing when the scenario switches drastically from dark forest to even darker forest.

Swamp like.

Dave’s socks are soggy, the mud underneath them, very humid and cold. There is fog in the furthest corners of his eyesight and the air smells putrid and moldy, like decomposition and abandon.

Even if uncertain at what drove him here, he is certain this is the territory of the undead. And if wrong, Dave knows he will be significantly more screwed.

The only other option to a state of decay similar to this is the proximity to a black dragon lair.

He starts praying for Corellon for it to be land of the undead. His chances of survival are already slim as they are.

Suddenly, Dave catches the sound of clanking. He looks everywhere around him, but can’t quite identify where the sound comes from. Then, he hears a loud knocking. 

Slowly, he turns towards the source of the sound. It reminds him of someone knocking on a wooden door and the follow-up characteristic sound of a knob turning. 

How can these sounds exist in this place? Is there a house or cottage in here somewhere? Maybe a Swamp Hag?

He can’t see in all this fog.

Where does the sound come from? He wonders at the tip of his toes. They can’t jump him. If he takes a direct hit he might die. He is alone. There is nowhere to hide. He doesn’t know where he is or where he should run to in case of danger.

The hinges squeak and, not seeing anything anywhere, he turns to the sound.

Dave faces the lake. The water surface shakes. Ripples after ripples, undulating each time more erratically, until he sees the top of a bold, stark white dome emerge, wet and dripping. The red orb in its eye socket is not far behind and looks like it’s being accompanied by 10 others, firefly small.

The image of hell held no skin, no fear and it sucked the life out of Dave’s wood equipment with only its gaze, making it wither and crumble into ashes at his feet. The closer from his body, the more Dave didn’t know how to react, but if it touched him it might do the same to him, so he threw them into the ground.

When Karkat came into the room with the purest intention of feeding the human with some ale and a some oatmeal human food - he couldn’t fathom how they liked this stuff. It looked worse than oikbeast porridge and that stuff looks like puke - he didn’t arrive at a room with a with a sleeping man.

No.

He came into the reckedges of a room.

The floor was all wet from the rain coming in. One of the wooden doors of the window had been ripped clean off its hinges. Same with the curtain holder, leaving the wet, soggy cotton cloth to soak and bunch. They were both broken and useless right at the middle of the room.

Karkat screeched seeing red with his eyes and dropped the plate of food and ale with a clank on the wooden flooring, lunging for Dave’s neck with claws and teeth and rage. Dave laid on the floor in a practiced dodge, and Karkar ended up hitting the wall with his back.

The troll ran down the wall in a rage fueled imitation of a water drop. Upper lip twitching, exposing teeth and, sometimes, gum.

In the meanwhile, Dave laughed and acted like an idiotic athlete, swimming in the ground right underneath the window where the rain was coming in and holding his breath as if he was underwater.

Karkat fell from the wall into the bed, sitting and adjusting himself, before he saw what Dave was doing, only to, then, facepalm.

He got the tray with food and placed it on a table outside of the room, going right back in and closing the door, afraid someone would see this pitiful mess.

Not that Karkat knew why he was being so secretive about it. Feferi had told him that something like this was bound to happen, but the second-hand embarrassment of the whole situation was enough to make him reconsider leaving the door open.

He got Dave by the collar of his dirty, yellowed cotton shirt and tried to lift him.

He failed. 

Then, he tried again, this time with both hands, barely succeeding.

In the murky waters of the cursed lake, Dave fights the need to breathe. He can’t surface, or the beholder will find him, and he is unsure of how much he can count on his luck to save his ass from another bout of certain doom again.

He starts to feel something tugging at his collar and pulling him out of the lake, involuntarily choking him. Breathless and freezing his balls with his levels of cold he lets himself get pulled, only to realize it’s John pulling him out of the water.

“Holy shit, John! Where have you been? Actually, nevermind. You’re not gonna believe the luck I just had.”

“Shut the fuck up. How is being muddy and soggier than when I cry myself to sleep any kind of luck?”

“Wow, dude. You cry?”

“THAT IS NOT THE POINT.”

“Totally. Cause I just did a beholder strike. Literally. The awful ball of fear and rage went right through my head and knocked over more than a thousand different types of undead. By the way, you don’t happen to know where my armor is, do you?”

“Uh… I do, as matter of fact. But you need to shower before getting it back. You stink of hoofbeast shit.”

“Hoofbeast?”

Karkat freezes. John is human. He would never call a hoofbeast a hoofbeast. What’s the human word for it again? 

Hoooo- 

Hooooooo-

Horse!

“What? What’s a hoofbeast? I said horse.”

“Nah. I’m dank sure you said hoofbeast.”

“I think you got knocked in the head,” Karkat dissimulates “but you do need to clean yourself. The stench is bordering rotten.”

“I did say I was surrounded by undead, so I think that’s, you know, par for the course.”

Karkat rolls his eyes with gusto, head motion accompanying his pupils, making the image Dave has of John do the exact same. The motion is so typical that Dave stops being suspicious.

Only John would rolls his eyes with such body hyperbole at a commentary so innocent and meaningless.

After successfully averting suspicion of his precedence, Karkat drags Dave to the back of the Tavern, leading him into a very defined and well kept forest path. The trail led to a secluded place with a pond surrounded by large rocks and piping hot water.

“Holy shit, dude. You found a hot spring?”

Mumbling, Karkat answers “Not much found as already knew where it was.”

“How did you already know? Oh. Obvious. You flew and found it.”

Dave turned around and went in the direction of the water. Karkat looked away and rubbed his arm in thought -  _ right, because he thinks I’m the bucktooth guy and, apparently, even with the huge hammer, he can fly _ .

With a hand in the water, Dave beckons “We have to take a dip in this, man. How long has it been since we found an actual hot spring? Fuck showering in waterfalls, dude. This is so much better.”

_ This hot spring was really fucking worth it. I might not be able to leave the city but this fucker gets me so much money from adventurers that come by that if leaches were allowed in town, even they would want to take a shot to enjoy it. And the rotten assholes don’t even have skin _ \- Karkat thought, amused at himself.

And then he turned.

He turned to see something truly mesmerizing. 

Namely: Dave, completely naked.


	4. Chapter 4

At first, Karkat wanted desperately to look away. The weight of the indecency began triggering his reflexes, forcing him to avert his eyes and making his cheeks burn brighter then recently used coal.

Instead, he found out that he couldn’t. 

A shiver run up his spine and, regardless of the implications of the whole ordeal, his bulge danced inside it’s sheathe, much to his undying shame and never-ending self flagellation. His nook clenched tight, and his eyes went wide and ooglesome. 

He just couldn’t look away, no matter how much he wanted to, seeing himself entranced, mesmerized by the foreign, exotic sight.

Dave was white skinned, broad shouldered and had perfectly stiff, hardened, squared glutes that he was obviously clenching. The disparity with himself was laughable but the display of ass dimples didn’t make Karkat any more rational, or his hands any less grabby or his fingertips any less sparky. 

In general, it didn’t make him want to touch and explore Dave’s skin any less.

Was he smooth? Or rugged instead? Did the fog of the place make him slippery yet? Would he be warm now? Or maybe still cold from when the rain was still pouring? Could he scratch him, or would that be dangerous? What could his skin taste like?

These and many other questions circled in Karkat’s mind. He wanted them all answered, and then, he wanted to come up with new ones.

Fidgeting with his hands, he tries to ease the tingling, feeling warmth crawling up his back and dampness in places he wish would just stay quiet and immobile. Karkat could feel his folds getting wetter by the second he managed to force himself to stop squeezing them together. 

He could also feel the twisting and turning of his bulge, pushing and expanding on his insides. The tiny, tapered end of it trying to make its way out of its hiding spot, like a tongue wetting the puckered hole it would crawl out of.

Dave turns his torso around a bit, just so he can look at John.

“Aren’t you going in too? I can’t be the only one to miss hot springs" he points.

Karkat’s eyes rake through all of what Dave allows him to see. His squared packs with the tiny pink human nubs that they call nipples. The battle scars scattered in his lower abdomen and thighs.

Such thick, toned thighs.

Now, fully turned and in absolute display for his ganderbulbs, Karkat can see Dave’s everything. The blond patch of fur right above his resting penis, the way his muscles moved, contracting and relaxing, when he shifted his weight from leg to leg.

He forced himself to stop staring at Dave’s groin when the human started towering him, and looked up at his face, eyes desperate to go back down and just stare at the cute and soft nub of meat some more.

What is this need? Just too many unpailed nights that he could have released himself and decided not to because of lazyness or tiredness or fright of being caught? A charm spell? Something else entirely?

Karkat couldn’t point. He didn’t know.

He did know that he wanted this man to do unspeakable things to him. And maybe, if luck smiled his way, he’d be just as much of a freak to let him do them back. Just the mere prospect already made his chest want to rumble. Made his grubscars swell for just an instant. Made his nook clench all over again, a drop of slurry staining a patch in his underpants.

He also realized, at that same moment, that if he did go through with his fantasies, be it to make this man feel good and safe, be it to just stroke his own ego, he would commit an act of utmost thretchery with a visitor.

This whole thing, even with positive intentions expressed verbosely, would still be non consensual.

“John? Are you okay there, man?”

But Dave didn’t see Karkat there. He saw John. He saw his friend. Having a mental freak-out and blushing bashfully in a way he had never seen before and never expected to see in the first place.

Would it be bad if Dave was made to feel good by a friends of his? Was it bad that Dave found this strangely recoiled reaction endearing to the point of making him slightly self conscious? He was naked, like all the times before, but now he was also close.

Nose tips almost touching kind of close.

Karkat didn’t know. He could be making a mistake. But it was a mistake he had to make, or else he might regret not having taken this chance so, against all the recommendation his brain could give him, he tippy-toes, and while still keeping both his hands, fidgety and sweaty as they are, to himself, he gives Dave’s slouching form a little, shy, slow peck.

Dave’s eyebrows rise up and hide in his hairline. It’s extatic and over too soon. He’s dreamed about this exact kind of moment. Hoped for it to happen for months. Years. But it didn’t matter what he hoped or prayed for. It never came.

“I thought you said you’re not… you know… gay,” it’s what Dave wanted to ask, but the possibility of having this stripped away made him smash any doubt with pure will. He couldn’t let John second guess this. Second guess him.

He wasn’t sure he could take the rejection if it ever came. That's why he never asked. So he kissed him again.

While Karkat’s kiss was inquisitive, Dave’s was a burning answer of “Hell yes,  _ pleeeease _ .”

He held him, sweeping him off the ground and up by the ribcage. Karkat entwined both legs around Dave’s middle, tangling his fingers in the silky smooth hair and kissing with a hunger he never know he held inside.

It was intoxicating, inebriating, insatiable and wrong in every kind of conceivable way, but neither of them wanted to stop. 

The taste of tongues, the shortness of breath, the release of  _ finally getting what you want _ made it impossible. It was impossible to stop.

At least, until Dave started to feel something different around John’s middle. Something bumpy that he doesn't remember ever seeing there before. And he would know about every spot of every place in John’s body. He had them memorized in his head from all the times they’ve seen each other naked over the years.

Not that he would ever admit to staring, or rather, appreciating, his best friend’s physique. It’s just that showers weren’t exactly commodities, and after being soaked in the blood of your foes, people of the party were usually in need of one more often than not. So he was just very exposed to the sight.

But this? This, he didn’t know.

Karkat felt Dave touch his grubscar, and even though it felt good, he knew that would be a tell. Part of him could shamelessly ask to be touched again, but the worry that settled in his guts was greater and more demanding of his attention.

Humans don’t have grubscars. His cover would get busted, Dave would realize right then and there that something was wrong, and then he would have something to be really worried about.

Karkat grabbed Dave’s wrists and tipped his balance backwards, making him fall on his butt in the mud close to the water, where the soil is still hard, but softer. Then he cast a little druidic cantrip to spawn a vine from the ground and make sure the human wouldn’t be able to touch anything.

At this point Dave knew.

He knew nothing of this was real.

John didn’t have distinct scars in his ribcage. John didn’t know how to cast druidic cantrips. John-

John would never have kissed him first and he knows that. 

And even if he had the courage to go through with it, John would never have kissed him back.

Nothing of this is real. But if he is never getting the real thing, fuck if he’s not going to enjoy this if it's as good as he is going to get.

“Are you okay?” Karkat immediately asked.

“You did just push me ass-fist into the ground while I’m fucking butt naked. I mean, my ass has, for sure, seen better days but, eh. I’ll be fine” he answers honestly.

Karkat nods twice and frowns, feeling slightly guilty “Sorry.”

After a minute of silence and awkward staring, Karkat doesn’t really know where to go from there on.

“Look, I… If you don’t want to go through with this, I get it. I’ll just go find a hole to bury myself and you won’t have to think about this ever again-”

Dave's eyes boggle behind his shades as he hears to the creature apologize, give him a way out, spare him and self deprecate. He finds it endearing, since it reminds him too much of himself, but finds it more frightening, because it implies that he would be left alone, hapless and indescribably horny with no way of satisfying himself.

“Nononononono. You can’t just tie a guy after kissing him and leave him with a boner the size of a dragon horde in the middle of a hot spring. You can’t. Okay. That’s evil.”

Karkat gives him an incredulous smile that melts Dave’s heart and squeezes it tight in his chest “So you want me to-”

“Fuck me” Dave breathes in response with a fast, eager, follow up nod “please.”

And just like that, with the feeling of being struck by lightning, Karkat's bulge forces itself out and into the fabric of his pants, making him weeze a tiny surprised yell and shiver when his length coils around itself. He is going to make an ass of himself so fast if things keep going down this path.

In order to further his goals, Karkat tries to ignore his own needs and focuses on running his hands down Dave's chest, feeling every bump and scar and muscle group, reveling at the fact his palms slide over with almost no friction, both because human skin is just naturally more velvety, but also because the fog of the spring is moisturizing every path under his touch.

Dave can't wait until those hands get below his belt line, but when they get to his hips, instead of going over his thighs, they stay and start massaging them. A thumb on each side, rubbing circles right beside his dick but actively avoiding it. He groans, frustrated and anticipatory of the touch and release those warm, wandering hands, could give him.

Karkat kisses Dave's cheek, then his jaw, and finally his ear, leaving a trail of wet adoration before asking what he really needs to know.

"How do you want to do it? What can I have?"

At that, Dave whimpers. His pre leaks in a big, translucent drip down the up side of his shaft. He wants to say  _ everything _ so badly that the form of the word escapes his mouth without any actual sound being produced.

He doesn't know this guy. He could be a beast from a mad mage's grimoire as far as he knew. Maybe an incubus sent straight through the gates of Baator to enlist his soul in the eternal carnage of of the first gate.

And yet, against all odds, he is naked thought and through, exposed to his bare minimum, waging nothing other than his very eager erection and desperate to be touched and watched and taken care of. He just wants to  _ get some action going on. _

His mind still warns him that this whole situation is far from safe, that he is putting himself on the line for no good reason, but if this guy is asking, that means he is at least willing to listen. It means that he is going to, at least, pretend he gives a shit.

“I just want to feel good” he says while John keeps kissing his neck and running smooth, heavy, warm hands all over him. He loves the weight, the texture, loves the way they slide over and how they ground him. He shivers when they hover over his nipples, feeling the hairs on the nape of his neck stand. His dick twitches, upset with the neglect.

It feels like a dream, to have John paying him attention, wanting to touch him, wanting to kiss him, kissing him wantomly over his face, wanting him.

Even if it’s not real.

"Can I keep calling you John?"

It's a selfish request, he knows. But this whole experience is supposed to be an indulgence. A release. What is this one more sin on the list? And it's not like, whoever this person is, they are not rocking their own socks with this whole situation.

Karkat kisses him and nods. In parts to hide a bit of his frustration with the request. The twinge of disappointment he didn't have any place having in the first place. But also, because he understood, and wanted Dave to feel reassured about that being okay.

"Just know I'm not really him" he made sure to add, scared and uncertain of the collateral effects this whole exchange might create in the long run. "You should probably know that I'm not human, either, so you should not look down... Probably."

"I can't really do anything other than look, dude" Dave answers, moving around a little to illustrate "you've got me tied up tight."

"Shut your fucking mouth. There’s at least one thing you can do other than look," the troll adds facetiously, removing everything from his waist down and then covering Dave's eyes with the palm of his hands, positioning himself over him, in a straddle, and whisper-shouting "you can feel."

With pelvic muscles only, Karkat relaxes the folds of his nook. The strands of honey thick slurry that web from the newly found space fall saggy, slowly, over the back of the shaft, wetting almost all length and warming the skin with an intricate pattern.

Dave gasps and curses a very choked " _ Fuck" _ with the back of his throat, following it with a whined moan that fades between clenched teeth. He also contracts his butt, bucking a little and making his dick look very appreciative of the slurry shower it just took.

Like an open mouthed kiss, Karkat downed his nook on the back of Dave's shaft, pressing the entire upper part of his penis against it's owners stomach and timing clenches, relaxations and some languid back and forth.

Dave feels deliriously good and needy. He just needs more. His mind in unable to focus on anything, except the warmth and slickness and pressure being currently applied on him. He vocalizes his pleasure " _ Holy shit, so good _ " and his eagerness " _ Fuck. More. Please. _ " unaware and uncaring. 

Oh, how beautiful he looks in such a primitive state, the troll thinks.

Karkat moves his hands away from Dave’s eyes, using them to uncoil his own bulge from itself and pumping a couple times before wrapping it around the red tip of the human’s bulge. The prehensile member grips happily around it’s new toy and starts to twist and turn and slick all around it, much to Karkat’s delightful build up and Dave’s unwinding despair.

Because it starts feeling too good. 

The head is sensitive and having a designated harresser doesn't make anything that is happening on his shaft disappear or become irrelevant. It only adds to it in crescent increments that are making Dave get close to cumming way too soon.

The kisses and caresses make him feel wanted, make him feel appreciated, but most of all they make him feel worthy. And it adds. The touches Dave gets are almost reverent and they make him wonder if he shouldn't have said everything aloud, like he wanted to. Would all of this be worse? Or could it have been even better?

Alongside everything that happens on his chest, a nook clenches behind his entire length and a tentacle licks and slicks his head: clockwise for some time and then counterclockwise for some more time. His ears filter the sound of wetness from the masturbatory rhythm, creating a constant build up that expands inside his lower abdomen and forces him to contract and relax to the pacing he can’t dictate. To the pacing he’s been subdued to accept and can't help but love.

He doesn’t want it to end but can't stop pursuing it, can't stop loving it. He wants it to last so that he can enjoy this for so much longer. He wants to wallow in this fantasy like a pig in the mud and the shit when trying to get away from the heat, but he can’t stop feeling amazing and his orgasm is getting there fast and steady and irreversible and- 

_ “JohnImgonnacum”. _

His sight turns up and fades to black while his mouth gapes in a pained, low and drawn out moan. The white and warm liquid falls in spurts on his chest until it just overflows and leaks from the tip, staining bulge and nook. Tears burn around the edge of his eyes. His eagerness and pleasure was so great, so intense, he couldn’t even enjoy the fact that his fantasy was happening in the first place.

He is done. This one in a lifetime opportunity is over.

The tears fall, and the numbness of a good orgasm soon begins to turn into worry and regret since he reached the climax alone. His recovered rationality and awareness makes him startle.

Karkat stops moving and removes his entangled bulge from the end of Dave’s dick, afraid he might make him feel pain. Afraid he might already have, as he sees the tears falling and the heavy breathing. He lifts himself abruptly after feeling the human startle, and even though the fog of the hot spring keeps the environment around them warm, Dave feels his entire crotch getting cold and chilly.

His brain associates the lack of proximity with the possibility of abandon and, in a frenzi triggered by fear, Dave manages to break the vines of the cantrip.

Karkat’s thinkpan warns him of imminent danger and he berates himself for being stupid enough to think this had any chance of success at all, not to mention he is bottom naked and bulge out - also known as the worst situation for running away from a dangerous situation. 

And as to make everything better, his damaged thinkpan can’t decide if Dave breaking the cantrip is more dangerous or more arousing, to which his bulge responds by slapping him in the hip with a wet sound.

Even though he just came, the sight and sound of that bulge slap made Dave’s leaking dick take interest. How is he so horny for this obvious illusion? How can he make it last? Should he try to know them?

Dave doesn't want his fantasy to end . And also, he needs to return the favor.

They both stare at each other, Dave from a crouching position and Karkat from a sideways stance. If Dave rises, he’ll run. They both know it.

Dave raises his hands in a seemingly placating gesture and instead of getting up, he speaks.

“I’m not gonna do anything.”

Karkat doesn’t know how to react or what to feel. He thought Dave was mad at him. He thought he had hurt him. He had all the reason - fuck - all the right to punish him anyway he saw fit. Lesser things are punishable by death in troll society. Why doesn’t he want to hurt him? Karkat has betrayed his trust so many times already that this whole thing is just icing on the festering shit cake. Pretending to be his friends. Gathering information and abusing Dave’s honesty for his own entertainment.

This horrible and crooked misunderstanding, or rather, mutual understanding of a despicable nature.

“Why? I fucking deserve it. Any punishment you decided to give me I fucking deserve it, but i’m just-” 

The thought and words fade into the air as he gives up telling the why. His pitiful fright of death due to being heavenless and Godless is simultaneously, too much information for someone else to hold and nobody’s problem but his.

"Just. Why the fuck aren't you mad? This whole fucking thing is stupid and- and- and wrong!"

To Dave, the answer is also something wrong, but not wrong because of this stranger, or because of what they are doing. The answer is wrong because of him and him alone. Because he was using this as an opportunity indulge in the fantasy of getting laid with someone out of his league. To him, though wrong, the answer is quite clear. 

He gives a sarcastic laugh.

"I know, man. But hey, I can't really be mad. I am getting something out of it too."

"And what the fuck is that?" Karkat ask, defiant.

Dave extends his hand and entangles his fingers with a very excited bulge making John inhale deeply and close his eyes. He smiles mischievous at the thought that his private impersonator was still riling to get off and pulls him by the closest thigh, getting face to face with the entire crotch of the creature.

"You" he answers before licking the thick and soft base of the writhing alien tentacle dick, his hand pinching and frictioning against the thinner end.

He doesn't know what he means by it. You who?  _ You _ the impersonator who's been making him feel like he’s worth the air he breathes or  _ you _ , John, the impersonated? His best friend whom he’s been unrequitedly pinning for over half a decade?

Currently, with a bulge halfway down his throat, two fingers deep into a drenched, tight and needy nook and fingers caressing his scalp just to make him understand how good he can make someone else feel, he couldn't care less. Much less with the faces he can watch and the sounds he can listen.

Karkat, on the other hand, is dangerously close to shutting his mind off. He can’t recall the last time someone made him feel this oblivious to life, obligations and surroundings. His chest rumbles with reckless abandon, professing sounds of blind adoration and unquenchable need. Dave’s mouth feels wet and tight, and the face he has while taking him in make Dave look so soft and submissive, Karkat almost can’t resist forcing his bulge another inch in.

Until he doesn’t need to think about that because Dave just swallows that other inch in by himself, igniting Karkat’s trademark string of randomic expletives “Holy fucking slurry gulper, I can’t-” and his orgasm by extension.

“Leave” he asks in a tight voice and pushing blond locks away from himself, but it’s all futile because Dave doesn’t listen. Doesn’t care. He only wants to keep watching those bright blue eyes blinking and buck toothed mouth gasping in more and more irregular intervals. His own dick sporting a half-chub - for as unreliable as it might be.

He doesn’t know if he wants to meet whoever is behind the illusion. But no matter what that person looks like, he paid attention to him. Asked him what he wanted. Gave him what he asked for. Gave him things he didn’t even know he needed. Dave can't help but wonder if he will regret not meeting them.

No. 

He knows he will. 

He know that because he saw him and he adored him for however brief this is, he looked at him in his truth and still touched his skin with delight and appreciativeness, as if it was sacred.

He will regret it if he doesn’t find out who this guy is.

He needs to know.

He needs to see.

He needs to.

He stares at the image of John that he wanted to etch in his mind. That was imprinted on his brain in the nights when he felt the most lustful. He wants to see what is behind. The one who has seen him. Dave wants to see him.

But it doesn’t happen.

He feels the bulge on his mouth coil and spill like a waterfall on his tongue. The whining and the rumble mix together to a tune of enthrallment that entices his every fiber and gets his half chub back to a full chub. And though he tries to swallow, the flow is too intense and a lot of the slurry escapes through the sides, staining his chin, cheeks, neck, chest and shoulders.

Karkat takes his bulge out, even if it was still in a leaking state, and the slurry that Dave couldn’t swallow runs out of his mouth, mixed with everything the bulge is still dropping. 

Dave looks at himself and thinks at the irony of a dirtbag feeling filthy. Much like the expected response, his dick goes back into its default floppy positioning, but unlike the color it had on the start, red slick painted it, along with everything that wasn’t in direct contact with the ground. There were parts of his back that he could feel drops running, most likely originated from his shoulders.

And then he felt shifting. First, his mind told him that, whoever they were, obviously they were leaving because whatever this was, it was over. Surprisingly for him and that part of his brain, that wasn’t it. Hands were back in his hair and warm lips seared his forehead with a tender kiss. He was going to stay.

“Honestly, I can’t believe myself. I brought you here because you were gross and instead of getting you clean I managed to, like a dumbass, get you even worse” To which Dave laughs because it is very ironic “Now stop being a stinking deadweight and lets get you to the faucet, so we can get you rid of most of… well… me I guess.”

Karkat gets Dave’s wrist, but notices he doesn’t rise or even makes an effort.

“What’s wrong? Did I fuck something up more than what we already know?”

“Nah man, I just… I don’t know your name? I mean-” Dave inhales “I want to know your name.”

“Oh. I thought you actually didn’t.”

Dave chokes a bit at the commentary, not knowing how to respond to such a statement.  _ He didn’t, but now he does _ doesn’t strike him as a good answer.  _ You sexed me into wanting to get to know you _ just makes him sound like a bard. His mind doesn’t find an answer fast enough making the silence long and awkward, so he does what everyone would: he chickens out.

“Forget it. Where is that faucet again?” He asks, getting up.

Karkat is both relieved and disappointed. That weird twinge that comes back to haunt him. He knew he would never be a choice, be it first or last, but he is also relieved Dave doesn’t want to know him.

Because it he did, If Dave saw him and didn’t immediately hate him, Karkat would have a serious problem.

A  _ feelings _ kind of problem.


	5. Chapter 5

Dave woke up from a lazy haze, looking around and feeling lost, almost dizzy.

How did he end up here again?

Memories from the previous day come back in flashes. John putting something juicy and wriggly on his mouth. His face when he finally got him to cum. The warmth of being touched. The anticipation that crawled underneath his skin, flaring every nerve his body had for outside stimuli.

His dick got hard just remembering the sensations but the shame of the last part of the whole encounter ate him alive.

Shame, true, but also regret, because he knew he should have been more stubborn. He’s stubborn about everything else - or so people keep telling him - so why couldn’t he be like that about this too? They were both already in deep shit anyway.

Dave stands slowly, trying not to lose his balance. He sees his shiny golden plate armor and his shades atop of a simplistic wooden chair. The cold magic metal looks dulled in the light of the room and as Dave traces the insignia of the center chest piece he wonders if Correlon ever took  _ resolve _ in account when he decided to make Dave into his paladin, seeing as he can’t even muster enough of the thing to get someone’s name.

He doesn’t want to put the armor on when there’s so much shame still burning inside him, but his nightmares of the past few nights all featured him not wearing it, so he does. Shame losing greatly to fear.

Outside the room, Dave really sees The Horny Dungbeetle for the first time, but doesn’t stop to notice the spaciousness, the simplicity or the architecture, much more focused on the group of people that just entered the place. 

John, Rose and Jade are talking to a tall, bright green suited lady troll on the downstairs floor and seem to be delivering an assortment of plants and eggs and monster loot over to her. Overhead, Dave can hear them talk and none of them seem to have noticed him from up there.

“We can’t receive these in here, I’m afraid. We are not in possession of the appropriate means required to ensure the prime condition of these ingredients for future use and, more importantly, the safety of our patrons because that” she says pointing at something moving in a linen satchel that John is holding “appears as if it’s in his nature to bite.”

John laughs at the commentary “It does but it’s generally harmless. I had my finger bitten but I’m still here!”

Rose steps closer to the counter and puts and egg of something in there before speaking “We understand, but the apothecary is closed and, therefor, you are the only one that can help us find her. Can’t you keep these in storage at least until we know where she is?”

“Hey guys. What’s up with all the leafs and shit? You guys smoking something without me?” Dave quipped.

Jade and John open smiles the size of moons while Rose just gives a contained but very satisfied smirk. Jade and John grab Dave and hug him like they are trying to pop his eyes out of his eye sockets. John is the first to remark.

“You’re alive!”

“And walking” Jade points out.

“And talking”

“And breathing”

“Barely” Dave whispers.

The duo released their paladin friend and began a tale of how they managed to put their hands on so many potion ingredients and why they were after them. Rose made a remark here and there, correcting details about monsters and beasts they found, but other than that, she allowed the two to recount of their travels.

“What about you, Dave? How has your recovery been going since we left?”

The question comes from Rose, but he can’t stop looking at John while the words echo in his head. The John from the spring was obviously fake now that he can directly compare and is not heavily influenced by drugs. This man is confident, constantly happy and has a very broad sense of humor.

A stark contrast to the rather shy and grumpy demeanor of whoever laid with him. To the very last moment he wanted to have had the courage to insist and now, seeing the object of his affection first hand after a while, he feels as if this is punishment for pussying out of it on the last second.

"Dave?" Rose calls.

"Yeah."

"Are you okay, Dave?" Jade questions.

"Yeah. Of course. You and John said so yourselves."

"You just look out of it. Did you go half ghost or something? Did you see a ghost?"

"No John, I didn't see a ghost" he says remembering the smooth texture of the impersonators skin. He couldn't have dreamed something so real… could he? "Unless my brain got held hostage and they killed the memory of that sweet sweet moment, but I didn't summon any succubi ou night hag of any dream eating asshole as far as I can tell."

"Speaking of which, there was one person in charge of catering for your needs for as long as we were away. Kanaya, where is Karkat?" Rose asks.

"In the meal block.”

Dave remembers the impersonator calling a horse a hoofbeast. Meal block… "That's the kitchen, right?"

"Correct. You won't remember because you have been fed in your room throughout these days and the only time you have ever visited the kitchen, you were barely holding any level of consciousness onto yourself."

Vaguely, you remember having received food from Jade and John, but those were probably just illusions too. Every second you spent with someone after feeling that awful taste, you ended up spending with him for what you can pick up.

With this Karkat guy.

Dave leaves Rose and the rest of the party talking to the pretty troll on reception duty. By the way that Rose and her are talking he can tell that Rose is trying to flirt and he didn't sign up to see  _ that _ level of a clusterfuck.

Slowly, he closes the heavy wooden doors, trying to make the minimum amount of noise. On his left, a grumpy person speaks in loud and harsh tones.

"Look, Kanaya, if the fuckers upstairs are complaining about the dairy products again, I'm going to slice a- "

He is short, like Dave remembers. His hair is short and worked to look like it's messy, barely hiding a pair of nubby candy corned horns. His face is lean and his eyes are big and widely opened, yellow sclera contrasting prettly with the gray skin of his body. He doesn't seem to be fat nor thin, and for what Dave can remember, the skin of his stomach is smooth and soft.

He wishes to see it. To touch that person again. The impersonator. Karkat. This is who he is. This is what he looks like.

The motion he makes with his hand, coiling it in front of his chest reminds Dave of when they kissed. He was also shrinking in himself at that time.

“Uhmm… what the fuck are you doing back here?”

Could he not remember? No. He must be faking it.

And he was.

Karkat didn’t expect to see him today at all. He expected his friends to come over, grab him, pay for his stay and be off to some other stupidly deadly quest. He expected to never be able to see Dave again, and yet, here he was.

“I know it was you” Dave tells him, approaching the troll on a word-to-step rhythm “at the spring in the woods.”

To each step that Dave took, Karkat took one backwards, and he kept at it until his back was pressed against a counter and he couldn’t go anywhere else. He knows he did something wrong and he is painfully aware he should be punished for it, but this whole situation is nothing more than a stupid buildup. What is this guy’s deal?

“Listen here dipshit, I know I fucked up and you would be completely justified to want my head, but if you are going to do it, JUST DO IT ALREADY. And clean it afterwards. Kanaya doesn't deserve to go through the trouble of having to scrape me off of walls.”

“Wow wow wow. You got this completely wrong, my dude. I’m not mad at you. I think I told you that already, actually…”

It's a vague memory, but this whole situation just seems like it already happened.

“I- I kind of assumed you were just to pail happy to give a shit at the time. How the fuck aren’t you mad? I broke your trust on me as a Tavern keeper, I stole your friends identity and we-” before Karkat can finish, his voice fails him because he can’t say what they did. He feels his entire face go warm and tingly, painfully aware he is definitely blushing “you know...when you were not if full control of you mental faculties.”

He need to say it, because he feels like he needs to punish himself. He needs to finish that statement, and he doesn’t feel in the right to make it seem like less. He can’t sugarcoat it “Dave,” but it’s hard to get it out, to admit “I…” and so even if he does say it, it’s low and embarrassed and filled with regret “raped… you. And I’m sorry.”

Dave doesn’t understand the level of regret that Karkat is feeling. He gave him ways out. Several times as far as he can remember. This guy is basically asking redemption for a priest because he put someone through a prank. Not to mention that he is all shrunken up on himself and shaking like a leaf, absolutely expecting to be punched or slapped.

The only thing Dave wants to give him is a kiss, though. Maybe he would feel less bad if he could just show him that everything was okay.

Feeling a kiss on his forehead Karkat looks up being surprised by a kiss on the mouth and a tear that overflew from the corner of his eye. He is getting kissed, and he didn’t start it this time, but he can’t help but notice how Dave’s lips are dry and yet, pillowy soft. Kissing him open mouthed feels like drowning but also like flying above all else.

“Why?” Karkat asks when they part.

Dave looks away from Karkat, mustering up the courage to ask his shameless question “I was kind of hoping we could… you know… have a do over. A reprise. Another magical encounter between my joystick and your amazing Kraken bit.”

Karkat looks at him with disgust “I hate how you are so painfully fucking proficient at being capable of saying sweet things in such twisted, crude and despicable ways.”

“Cool. I like the way you can talk shit like a sailor like it’s nobody’s business if your mamma educated you and you decided they were not worth the effort or if you didn’t even get educated at all.”

“What’s a mamma?”

“Uhhhh. It’s one of your parents?”

“You’re making no sense. What the fuck even is a parent?”

Dave is stunned, he doesn’t know what to tell him, when suddenly Karkat opens a shit eating grin, gives Dave a light jab in the arm and says “I’m just shitting with you. I wasn’t born in this asscrack of Baator, and I wasn’t born yesterday either. I know what a parent is, but human family units are crazy and bizzare, just for the record.”

“You were not born here?”

“Fuck that. I’m an original Alternian troll. Raised by a loving lusus in the light of the two moons and all fearing of the Great Space Hag, also known as Her Imperious Condescension, may she bask in the fires of troll hell for her viciousness. Fuck that nooklicker” he finishes by showing a middle finger to the ground.

“Awesome. How did you end up all this way across space?”

“Cargo ship gone fucking rogue. I sneaked in when I was 6, made friends with some low bloods that worked there and they started a riot. Killed every blue blooded bastard that still saw themselves eye to eye with the Hag. Turns out nobody could man the ship because they ended up killing the administrator and here I’ve been since then. Toril, I mean. Not Wherehill.”

“Okay, so… where did you crash?”

Karkat stops to think about it “Somewhere close to a place called Waterdeep.”

Dave stays quiet for a moment, calculating how long on foot a person would have to walk to come this far out of the continent of Faerun and looking Karkat’s young face. “But that’s impossible.”

“What are you whispering there about?”

“Waterdeep is on the furthest west part of the continent. This city in basically a pit stop before anyone can get to the continent of Kara-Tur. How the fuck did you even travel this much? I thought-”

“That I was only a Tavern Keeper? Common mistake.”

“Dude. You travelled all this way here? Why did you stop? And don’t tell me it was an arrow to the knee cause i wouldn’t believe that for a second.”

When Dave makes the question, Karkat smile dies, replaced by a snarl “I didn’t stop. I got fucking stopped because this place has a protection spell so stupidly strong that it’s keeping me from getting out!”

“Welp. Now my friends and I have to get you outta’here. As a sworn Paladin of Corellon, I can’t ignore a person in distress” Dave announces with a hand in his chest while Karkat looks at him skeptically “aaaand for the chance of getting laid later.”

“I knew there was going to be a catch,” Karkat rolls his eyes “I was just waiting for it. You better not be this predictable in battle or you’re going to get shot way more often.”

“Ouch. You hurt my feelings.”

“Wait until I hurt your butt” Karkat growls.

Dave opens his own shit eating grin.

“Is that a threat or a promise?”

Karkat crosses his arms around his chest, lets a short breathy laugh escape and answers “That’s up to you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I think I have a fetish for Dave being in trouble and Karkat saving his ass.


End file.
